I was on my Spotify a few days ago, and the song, ‘She used To Be Mine’ by Sara Bareilles came on. When I heard it for the first time, the words in her lyrics struck a chord in my heart. Without hesitation, I put the song on repeat mode, and it accompanied me throughout my entire journey to work.
"It's not simple to say Most days I don't recognize me These shoes and this apron That place and its patrons Have taken more than I gave 'em It's not easy to know I'm not anything like I used to be Although it's true I was never attention sweet center I still remember that girl."
It is a song about an actress struggling and working as a waitress in a diner in NYC to make ends meet. She is pregnant and falls prey to the abuses by her husband. She pondered the life that she once led and lost and how she had changed and became someone she no longer relates to.
Those thoughts tormented her.
"It's not what I asked for Sometimes life just slips in through a back door And carves out a person And makes you believe it's all true And now I've got you And you're not what I asked for If I'm honest I know I would give it all back For a chance to start over And rewrite an ending or two For the girl that I knew Who be reckless just enough Who can hurt but Who learns how to toughen up when she's bruised And gets used by a man who can't love And then she'll get stuck and be scared Of the life that's inside her Growing stronger each day 'Til it finally reminds her To fight just a little To bring back the fire in her eyes That's been gone but it used to be mine Used to be mine"
She was a person with big dreams, but all were broken into pieces by her decisions. She was a daredevil who took chances in life and fought for what she believed in. Now, she is filled with nothing but regrets.
This song is about change – about losing the ‘old’ you and becoming the person you see in the mirror. Most, if not everybody goes through changes; I went through changes too.
I was living the best times of my life. I was healthy, driven with passion and soared in the things I did. I travelled to places, enjoyed the company of many friends, had no cares in the world, and genuinely believed I was happy and would remain happy, or so I thought. Unfortunately, my life took a turn for the worse, and it started with that one decision I made.
The problems in my life still exist, and I break down from time to time, but the irony (of it) is that I have grown so much as a person. But know that you can only grow when you get your act together and do something about it, instead of getting sucked into the whirlpool of negativities – “Grow through what you go through.”
Those setbacks made me tougher (emotionally and mentally), more patient, disciplined, curious, and motivated to want to push myself beyond my limits. But would I get this far if my life remains in rosy hues? If I could turn back the clock, would I give up these pain, frustrations, setbacks, and heartaches for an easy ride in life? My answer is ‘no’, and I would not exchange these life lessons for anything else.
“Every failure is a gift. Every pain is an opportunity. “
Maxime Lagacé
She Used to Be Mine by Sara Bareilles. Enjoy the song.