The Things You Think About When You Are Sick

During this Covid-19 period, a simple yet persistent sore throat can land you in trouble with one chest x-ray, three dreadful swabs, some medications and an endless number of medical leaves. During such times, you can’t stop your mind from pondering about life and the fragility of it.

A few months ago, a good friend of mine told me she had a cancer relapse, and she has been diagnosed with stage four Mesothelioma (rare cancer in an advanced stage). Her prognosis wasn’t favourable, and she shared that she was opting for palliative over standard medical care.

I was affected by the sudden news and her decision to stop all radiation and chemotherapy for selfish reasons; I want her to be with me longer. However, deep down inside, I knew she had made that right choice.

Yes, ask anyone who knows me, and they would tell you that I am a staunch believer of ‘Palliative Care’.

It is choosing to prevent, or relief one’s suffering as opposed to extending one’s life so that one might have a chance to focus on the quality of life by doing things that matter most to them.

‘Palliative Care’ doesn’t sit well with some people, and it’s not wrong for them to feel that way. It’s only human to have that impulse to fight and to want to stay alive. Self- preservation is not wrong.

But what is crucial is the acceptance of one’s mortality and the limitations and possibilities of standard medical care prolonging it.

When one decides to let go and not fight death, to me, that’s what embracing life is all about. Wouldn’t that be such a catharsis, albeit frightening?

“You live longer only when you stop trying to live longer.” – Atul Gawande